


Never Look Back

by AlleyMarie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 00:28:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3589521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlleyMarie/pseuds/AlleyMarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Remus and Severus have graduated from Hogwarts, their relationship must change. (Takes place soon after their graduation).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Look Back

Severus studied the fifty or so wizards and witches gathered in the room. Some were smiling, many were whispering, their eyes darting about. It was an atmosphere of giddy expectation. An older wizard he had never met patted Severus on the back and offered him a goblet.

“Smile, boy. This is not a funeral but a new beginning,” the grizzled wizard said.

Severus didn’t smile. He took the goblet but didn’t drink from it. 

Fresh out of Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Severus was one of the youngest wizards there, but not the youngest by far—he even recognized a couple of Third Years in the crowd, most likely the children of purebloods.

Three hours later it was done.

***

Remus tried hard not to pace inside the tight confines of the shabby hotel room. He flopped down on the lumpy mattress, crossed his arms over his belly and rocked his left foot back and forth, instead. Severus was late. Not extremely late. Not worrisomely late. Just late—which was unlike him.

So far their relationship had been a surreptitious one: little more than awkward groping on the moss-covered ground of the Forbidden Forest and stolen kisses behind suits of armour in Hogwarts’ darken corners. But that was about to change. Hogwarts was over, and he and Severus were now full-fledged wizards out in the real world. It was time to put away their childish fumbling and move on to the next step. Besides, Remus had news for Severus tonight—BIG news!

The door to the room creaked open, and Remus jumped to his feet when he saw Severus walk in. The young wizard looked sullen and distant, as usual, but Remus didn’t allow that to deter him. He marched up to Severus and kissed him: a deep, long, passionate kiss. There were no recriminations about being kept waiting, only elation at finally having his lover in his arms.

***

Remus’ kiss was warm, wet and arousing, but Severus couldn’t let that sway him from his purpose. They were men now, and men had to make choices—sometimes hard choices. He put his hands on Remus’ shoulders and gently pushed him away. He moved to the opposite side of the room, needing the distance.

“We have to talk,” Severus said.

“I know.”

“I’ve been doing some thinking since we left Hogwarts and I’ve reached some conclusions.”

“Me too.”

“Things can’t continue the way they’ve been.”

“I know.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. “You do?”

“Yes. I’ve been thinking too.”

“Then you understand.”

“Yes. Wait … understand what?”

“Why we must not see each other again, of course.”

Remus looked confused.

“No. No, I don’t understand. I thought that now that we were out of Hogwarts …”

“What? You thought that things would be different? That we would no longer have to hide from your petty friends? Oh, but we would, would we not? Since you have joined the Headmasters’ little club to fight against the Dark Lord.”

***

Remus was aghast. He didn’t know what he found more discomfiting: that Severus was ending their relationship before it had even had a chance to begin, or that he knew about Remus joining the Order of the Phoenix.

“I was going to tell you tonight. Ask you to join us. I’m sure if I talk to the Headmaster …”

Severus dismissed Remus’ words with a wave of his hand. “You Gryffindors are all alike: arrogant, obstinate, delusional,” he said.

Remus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had been looking forward to this moment for years, ever since the day he realized the cruel and dangerous joke Sirius had played on Severus and he had sought him out to apologize. Their secret friendship began that day and had progressed into a clandestine affair. But Remus knew it could be more—so much more.

“School is over, Severus. We’re not Gryffindors or Slytherins anymore. We're just us.”

“And who are we, Remus? Can you answer that? Do you know who _I_ am?”

Remus had to say it. He knew it was now or never.

“You’re the one I love,” he said.

Severus sneered. “Like I said: delusional.”

It was like having a knife plunged into his heart.

“Can you say you feel nothing for me?” Remus asked.

Severus only looked away, and his silence was all Remus needed.

He walked across the room and took Severus’ hand in his. It couldn’t end like this, and he wouldn’t let it. If he could only get Severus to understand...

He pulled Severus close and kissed him. He pressed his body against him to let him feel the beginning of his arousal and felt Severus’ body respond.

“You want me, Severus. I know you do.”

Remus was being unabashedly wanton, but he didn’t care. He considered the battle won when the tension in Severus’ body broke and he seemed to melt into Remus’ arms, returning his kisses with equal passion.

Remus guided them to the bed without breaking the kiss. There was no rush and no fear of being discovered. He explored Severus’ body at a leisurely pace and allowed Severus to do the same with his. When their clothes became too confining, Remus tossed aside his robe and undergarments, but Severus wouldn’t allow him to take his own robe off. It was disappointing, but Remus understood—Severus had always been self-conscious about his personal appearance, but he wasn’t too shy to explore every inch of Remus’ flesh with his hands, lips and tongue. And Remus writhed and shuddered in pleasure with every touch.

While their foreplay was unhurried and gentle, their coupling was frantic and fervent. Remus flinched and caught his breath when Severus pushed inside him. Strong hands held his shoulders in an almost painful grip as Severus pounded into him, mumbling nonsense words that nonetheless fanned Remus’ arousal. Remus soon forgot his discomfort and was swept into the rush of passion. It wasn’t long before he felt Severus’ body go rigid and shudder, and Remus’ release soon followed.

Afterwards, Severus collapsed next to Remus on the bed. Remus smiled.

“That felt great,” Remus said.

“Yes, it did.”

“You will stay, then?”

“No.”

Remus frowned. “No? But I thought…”

“You thought you could seduce me into changing my mind?” Severus scoffed. It was a hollow, derisive sound Remus had heard before, but never directed at him.

“Well, yes. I don’t mean … What I mean is…” Remus didn’t know what he meant. Nothing was going as he had planned, and he didn’t know what else he could do about it. “Please, Severus. You always said…”

“Remus, don’t be naïve.” Severus rolled off the bed. He retrieved his undergarments and quickly donned them under his robes. “We both knew this would never work—your friends made sure of that.”

Remus bolted upright in the bed. “Severus, will you let it go?” he shouted. “We were 15 years old! Sirius and James are different now.”

“They never apologized,” Severus said through gritted teeth.

“Would it make a difference to you if they did?”

“It’s too late for that now. Besides, there is a war going on, Remus, and we must all choose sides.”

“I know, but it’s not too late!”

“It is not? You would join the Dark Lord and fight against your former allies?”

“Of course not.”

“Then it is too late.” Severus raised the left sleeve of his robes and showed Remus his arm. Remus stared at the snake tattoo as if hypnotized. He knew it wasn’t just any tattoo by the way it shone with a weak light and almost seemed to undulate, as if it were alive.

“What did you do?” Remus whispered.

“I made a choice. My allegiance is sworn and so is yours. Now you understand?”

Remus’ thoughts were tumbling inside his head, trying to catch up with what was happening.

“I trusted you,” he said.

“Trusting me was your folly. Don't try to put it on me.”

From the bed, Remus watched Severus walk to the door.

“Please, Severus,” he pleaded. The tears he had tried so hard to hold back spilled down his cheeks.

Severus opened the door and paused, but he didn’t look at Remus.

 _Please don’t say it; please don’t say it_ , Remus thought.

“Goodbye, Remus.”

The door closed softly behind Severus. Remus couldn’t stop staring at it. _He’ll be back. He’ll be back. He’ll change his mind and turn around_ , Remus said to himself over and over again. But the door remained closed, and Severus was gone.

***

Once the door was safely closed behind him, Severus scuttled down the corridor -- the taste of Remus’ lips still in his mouth, the memory of Remus’ body under his so bright that for a moment it had almost blinded him to his purpose. But there was no room for someone as good and decent as Remus in Severus’ life. There never had been. Severus had only fooled himself for a little while into believing there was, all the while always knowing this day would come. The day when it would be his turn to shine, when he would show the world what he could do, when he would show them who Severus Snape really was. The day when he would have to say goodbye.

Severus paused when he stepped out onto the sidewalk, and a drop of moisture seeped from his eye and pooled at the corner. He raised his head and swatted the teardrop away. The old man at his induction into the Dark Lord’s army had been right—there was nothing to mourn, this was a new beginning. One he was already looking forward to.

Severus strode confidently down the narrow street, intent on never looking back.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by a prompt from sassy_cat: _Just after - or at the end of - Hogwarts. Rating: whatever works. S has joined the DE. He is moving on and up, and must discard the trappings of youth. This includes one Remus Lupin, with whom he has had a clandestine relationship. Last meeting between them, arguments, recriminations, accusations, and a parting. Sex or no. Tone: heartbreak_.


End file.
